Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
