new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
