Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
