My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
