My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
