my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
