after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The beer is more important than you right now.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize