I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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