I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
