I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am full of burrito and curiosity
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
