and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
