seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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