We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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