I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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