I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
