even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
