I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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