My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
