I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
