Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
