when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
