apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize