none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
