Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
