My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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