So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
