im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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