the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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