I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
