so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
