and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
