textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
