There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can't turn off my feet"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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