you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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