I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
