Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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