i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
