he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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