tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
