The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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