i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
