What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he thought i was a dude.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
