i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
