this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
