The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
