So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
