hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
