i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
