Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
