capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
