i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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