i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
