Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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