Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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