Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
