dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
