Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
