nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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