We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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