Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
