id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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