Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
