literally had 100 drinks last night.
You can't motorboat a personality
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
