How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
