but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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