good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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