That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
