I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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