my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
