Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
