At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just high enough for therapy.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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