the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize